shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
