i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
