im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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