He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
