my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
