I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
