when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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