i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
