Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
