belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
