i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize