I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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