captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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