Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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