We're facebook friends in real life
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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