My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
