Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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