From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
