my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
