please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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