I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need a beard to bite.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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