just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
