even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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