i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
