There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
