He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
