what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
