Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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