Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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