had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
