Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
