So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
