watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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