To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
