his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
