so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
