Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
