we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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