do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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