when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
