she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
