I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can feel your judgement through the phone
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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