Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
