stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
