I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
