Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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