suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
