im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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