I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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