My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i need some magic done to my vagina
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
