I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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